Killing Mike Newton
by The EB's
Summary: We love to kill Mike, because he's just so much more fun dead than alive. So we're going to. Repeatedly. Rated M in case my girls want to up the gore factor.
1. Pianos are a Bitch

**A/N **- Since my lovely EBs and I love to kill Mike Newton off, we're going to. Frequently. Thanks to Scar Scar for encouraging this nuttiness. Twilight is not ours.

**Chapter author: Nalwaves**

**Chapter 1 - Pianos are a Bitch**

Mike Newton sat on top of a picnic table outside of Forks High School, bouncing his foot nervously and chewing on his fingers.

"Mike, if you don't stop that I'm going to hurt you." Jessica Stanly threatened, and Mike rolled his eyes. She was a pain in the ass but she would give him a blow job every now and then so he kept her around.

"I'm just restless today," he grumbled, stilling his foot but even more aggressively chewing his fingers.

"Why? Because the sun's out so the Cullens won't be in school and you can ogle Bella freely without the fear that Emmett will kick your ass?"

"No, I'm not worried about Emmett," He answered a bit too quickly.

"Ah-ha! So, you do want to ogle Bella," She accused, a sneer actually making her face look a little better.

Mike's face reddened. He didn't want to listen to Stanly anymore so he jumped off the table and stalked off toward the parking lot, nearly running into a hurrying Bella.

"Bella! Hi! What's up?" He asked excitedly. Mike had no real brain-mouth filter. He just sort of let all the blood drain to his penis so he always came across a bit too strong for the likes of Bella Swan.

"Oh, hey there Mike, nothing's up, just walking to class," She answered awkwardly and chewed her lip. He stared at her with a vacant expression. Time seemed to pass slowly as he just stared at her. She shifted her weight uncomfortably. "Um, well, I'm going to keep walking…" she trailed off, seeming to be thinking about something.

"What are you doing later?" Mike asked quickly. Really? Mike was asking Bella what she was doing later? She had Edward Cullen for a boyfriend and Jacob Black for a best friend but he was still asking? What the hell was wrong with him?

"I'm, uh, actually helping the Cullens move some stuff," She said, blinking repeatedly. The blinking was a total turn on for Mike.

"Okay, I'll come by their place and help," He stated quickly ran off like he was a golden retriever and had just spotted something shiny.

Bella stood there, eyebrow cocked, trying to understand what just happened. She didn't say that she was helping them at their place, even though she was. Strange. For the rest of the day she tried to dissuade Mike from going to the Cullen's place later, but was unable to convince him.

After dark (which was like 4:30 pm since it gets dark so freaking early in the Pacific Northwest in the winter time) the two humans made their way to casa de Cullen.

Emmett's booming laugh and Edward's narrowed eyes greeted them.

Alice quickly appeared, placing a hand on Edward's arm. "Don't kill him," she whispered. Emmett winked at Bella and disappeared into the house.

"Mike, what brings you here?" Edward asked coolly, apparently over his split second of murderous rage. Men can be so moody.

"Bella said you were moving some stuff so I offered to – " Mike's voice was interrupted by a loud tearing sound. Edward flew at Bella, knocking her out of the way as his piano fell right on Mike's head.

"What the hell, Emmett?" Edward yelled, checking Bella to make sure she was okay before turning his head up to the second story balcony and seeing Emmett standing with a torn rope, laughing hysterically.

"Oops," he shrugged.

_Mike opened his eyes and was surrounded by blackness. Slowly, the blackness turned to a dull gray and he could make out shapes. The shapes were floating. One of the shapes made its way toward Mike and right as he realized it was a person in a hooded robe, the hood on this particular person was removed._

"_You're-" Mike began, unbelieving his eyes._

"_I'm Rick James, bitch."_

"_But, you're dead!"_

"_So are you."_

_"WHAT?"_

"_Yup, dead, piano fell on your head." Rick explained._

"_That's unexpected," Mike replied, not really showing much emotion._

"_Look, I don't normally do this, but I like you. So, I'm sending you back." Rick said, putting an arm around Mike's shoulders._

"_You can do that?" Mike questioned, unbelieving._

"_It's against the rules, but I'm Rick James, bitch. Off you go!"_

Mike groaned and felt the piano being lifted off of him.

"Mike? You're alive?" Alice asked.

"I guess so." He said back and Alice received twelve visions all at once. Each of them showed Mike Newton being killed a different way.


	2. Ballet is for Wimps

**Chapter Author: LadyGAHGAH**

**A/N: **I decided to contribute to this epic storyline because 1. I love Nal and 2. I love killing Mike! :) Hope you people like it. As always, this chapter goes out to my EBs coz seriously, they are the best! Oh and someone PLEASE find me the name of the actor who plays the bookstore owner in Twilight!

It is vital that I get his name.

As always, GahGah loves chuu xo

***

_I'd never given much thought to how I would die. But dying in place of someone I love, seems like a good way to go. I can't bring myself to regret the decisions that brought me face to face with death. _

***

There Bella stood, facing the large arc-shaped doors. The sign 'Mimi's studio' suspends above her head and she rests her hands on the brass, oval door-knobs and pauses. Her mind contemplates on what is about to happen. The moment she opens these doors, she will leave the rest of the world behind her. A decision she did not welcome but must take to ensure the safety of her love, Edward Cullen.

She breathes in the fresh spring breeze and realises that this would be the last time she would ever inhale such a beautiful scent, one she often took for granted. Bella gazed into the glass window and observed her reflection. Even Bella recognised the look in her eyes.

_Fear._

Bella turns the door-knob. Her shaking hands make the simple task difficult. She walks into the dimly lit hall. This place was familiar to Bella. The long vertical mirrors cover every inch of the room. A girl with serious body insecurities would die if she were surrounded but this many mirrors. But not Bella, she had left her insecurities at the door. There was no room for that here, not when she was about to die.

The surrounding atmosphere takes Bella back to her childhood. Her mother enrolled her for ballet classes at Mimi's. Bella insisted on quitting but when her mother refused, trying to persuade Bella that it was "all for good posture", Bella had thrown a hissy fit and bombarded out of the class, discarding her ballet shoes in the bin.

Bella laughs at this lasting memory and uses this to ease forward into the middle of the room. This once light, open ballet studio filled with little girls running around in tutus was now filled with a dreary, dark ambience. If Bella hadn't known this was her old ballet studio, she would have never noticed. The once bright walls were mournful, as if warning her not to proceed forward into the inevitable path that had been casted upon her.

"James, I'm here! Leave Edward alone. It's me that you want."

Abruptly and swiftly, James appears and propels Bella into the timber floor. She is forced backwards into a pillar where she impounds her head into the corner. Bella is dazed. James' movements were quick and sudden sending into a state of shock. A warm liquid drips to the side of her head. Bella examines it with her fingertips. She identifies it as blood.

Bella searches the room for James but she cannot see him. The dark walls and fluorescent lights blur her vision. In the distance, Bella hears a voice. A distinctive voice that she could identify even in a crowded room.

It was Mike Newton but what was he doing here?

"Yo Bella, there you are. I need help with this English essay of ours. You done it?"

Mike aggressively shakes Bella to get her attention. Bella's vision clears and she is able to recognise Mike's face inches away from hers.

"SHIT MIKE! A bit too close there buddy!" She pushes Mike forcefully with both hands, staining his blue polo shirt with a red handprint.

"Naw Bella. You just stained my favourite shirt." Mike complains whilst trying to brush off the blood.

"Why are you bleeding anyway?"

"Mike. Listen to me. You have to get out of here. James will be here any second and-"

"Hold up. Who's James?" asked Mike in a jealous tone.

"He's just- No Mike, you need to listen to me. You need to get out of here before it's too late! Wait, how DID you find me?" asked Bella in a puzzled look.

Mike took a deep breath and pushed his words out in a long, rushed sentence, "Well I sought of, may have tracked you down on a GPS that I attached to your bracelet when you were unconscious at school the other day because of blood typing."

Bella glanced down to her already destroyed bracelet but noticed a blinking red dot that replaced one of the diamonds. Bella is furious at the thought of Mike following her but disregards it as she is reminded of the present situation.

All of a sudden, Mike is thrown into the air and is body lands into a mirror, shattering the glass.

"MIKE!" Bella screams but it's too late, Mike is already drifting upwards, high above the clouds…

"_HEE HEE! JA MONEEE!!" _

"_What? Where I am?"_

"_Ohhhh Mike. It's you! You're finally here. You're in Neverland!"_

"_What? Neverland? Don't you mean heaven MJ?"_

"_No, you're in Neverland. The place before the big, white gates. Come play with me Mike! Me and all the children!"_

"_Um, no thanks MJ. I'd prefer not to ride on your big, white ferris wheel." _

"_Aw, but Mike. It's so much fun! Weeeeeeeeeeeee…"_

_Mike remains silent._

"_Well Mike, if you're going to be like that, fine. I am able to grant you one wish and one wish only."_

"_MJ, I just want to go back. I haven't tapped Bella yet and it is my inner most desire to do so."_

"_Oh Mike, I know how you feel." MJ lets out a sigh. _

"_Fine I shall send you back … HEE HEE!" _

_And with that, Michael Jackson grabs his crotch, moonwalks backwards, spins and lands on his toes. _

_Mike can feel himself falling, rapidly to the ground. In the far distance, all he hears is "C'mon kiddies! Who wants to play kiss and catch?"_

Mike starts to choke, clutching at his throat. He can feel someone at his side, touching his shoulder. Mike opens his eyes and realises it's Bella. Her head is wrapped in bandages.

"Oh Mike! Thank God you're alright!"

"More like MJ!" mutters Mike.

"Er, What?" asks Bella.

"Ummm, nothing. So what happened? Why am I here?" Mike looks around. Wires and cables are attached to him and notices a T.V behind Bella's head that is playing some sought of action movie that involves fire.

"When you fell you broke your leg and you lost alot of blood. You don't remember any of this do you?"

Mike shakes his head.

"You fell down two flights of stairs and went through a window." Bella reassures him, hoping that the cover story would work.

"Bells, I sound as clumsy as you!" laughed Mike.

Bella awkwardly forces a laugh, "Haha, yeah. So Mike since your awake I need to go get the nurse. They need to do more tests on you!"

Mike forcefully grabs Bella's wrist.

"Are you serio- No!... no! How… I don't even… know what you're saying… how? What… what are… what are you talking about… you're going away?" says Mike in a fearful tone. His eyes start blinking uncontrollably.

"No… you can't… just leave me…"

"No Mike, I'll be here. Where else am I going to go?" Bella pats his head trying to calm down hysterical Mike.

And so they sat there in peace. Watching a girl being thrown across the floor on the T.V. With Bella's company, Mike was finally silent.


End file.
